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Where the Heart is: Compassion Begins at Home
By
Kelly L. Stone, , M.S., L.P.C.
©
2004
Children learn what they live, says the famous poem by Dorothy
Law Nolte, and that includes compassion. Compassion is defined
as having consideration for or showing kindness toward. Having
the capacity to feel and show compassion is so important that
the Search institute, a nonprofit organization that conducts
research to advance the well-being of children, considers it a
cornerstone for developing a sense of purpose in life. According
to Dr. Peter C. Scales, a Senior Fellow at the Search Institute,
having compassion for other life forms, be they human, animal,
or plant, lays the foundation for growing children into
well-adjusted adults who are contributing members of society.
But with so much of our children's time spent away from the home
these days, and with so much influence from factors that are
beyond the scope of parental control, what can parents do to
create a home environment that will nurture a budding
compassion? The answers may be simpler than you think.
1) Help your child see that her life has a purpose. "In the
elementary and middle school years," says Dr. Scales, "children
are developing a sense of what they can do and what their
interests are. Parents can intentionally shape a sense of
purpose by influencing the nature of their child's activities."
Dr. Scales suggests creating opportunities for children to
participate in religious or spiritual pursuits, volunteer work,
and introducing them to people who are passionate about their
work. "Parents should expose their children to as much as they
can but ultimately it is the child's own mix of interests,
talents, and values that will guide their life."
2) Third grade teacher Melanie Walrath says that the holidays
are the perfect time to help teach children compassion.
"Children can go through their toys and choose some they want to
donate to Toys for Tots or a similar organization. Or have a
garage sale for the items they choose-- and I think children
should choose what they want to sell for them to really learn
compassion-- and use the money they make to buy Christmas gifts
or donate it to charity."
3) Make decisions based on how it will effect the next seven
generations, advises an old Native American saying. When
selecting a Christmas tree, why not purchase something alive,
and that will stay alive, instead of the usual dead tree that
ends up in a landfill a month after the holidays? Purchase a
live cypress tree and plant it in your yard after the holidays
are over. Not only will you be contributing to the betterment of
the earth's environment, you will have growing trees in your
yard that remind you of cherished memories for years to come.
4) Arrange for children to spend time volunteering for a cause
they feel passionate about . But keep in mind that volunteering
isn't just about putting in the hours-- the word passion isn't
in the word compassionate for no reason. Teens and pre-teens
only feel the power of donating their life energy when they give
of their time to causes they personally feel are important. When
I volunteered with a local animal rescue group, there were 3
teen-agers who consistently showed up on Saturdays to help.
These kids made sure the dogs had clean water, took them out of
the crates for walks, and in general looked out for the dogs
while the adult volunteers were busy with paperwork and
interviews of potential adopters. These youngsters were
passionate about helping end the senseless killing of homeless
dogs and it showed- they were always there, on time, and happily
and quietly went about their work with no instructions from the
adults. The only reward they were looking for, and frequently
got, was when a previously homeless dog walked off with a new
family.
5) Put your money where your mouth is! Buy recycled toilet paper
and other goods. Establish a compost heap in your yard and
decompose as much kitchen waste as possible. Buy in bulk to
reduce the amount of packaging you throw away. Teach children to
recycle items from their school lunches, like plastic bags, milk
cartons, and plastic utensils.
6) Look for alternatives to entertainment events that exploit
wild animals. Sadly, there are many documented cases of abuse
and neglect of circus animals. Attending a non-animal circus,
such as Cirque du Soleil, teaches children how to put the values
in their heart into real-life practice. Check out
http://www.hsus.org/ace/13110 or
http://www.circusofthekids.com for an animal free circus
near you.
7) Talk to children about their values. What's important to
them? What do they see as the biggest problems with our world
today? And what do they think they can do to help? Dr. Scales
says that children need a sense of personal power along with
compassion. "Personal Power is self-efficacy, the sense that I
can make a difference," he explains. Feeling effective at a
young age establishes the ability to set and work toward goals
later in life. "Parents build personal power from the youngest
ages when they allow children to have a continuously growing
sense of their emerging capacity to make decisions."
Barbara Locasio, a licensed clinical social worker in Grayson,
Georgia, advises, "Start listening deeply early on and asking
questions about what you hear to help you learn more about how
your child sees her world. Your child is a unique being,
bringing to earth their individual gifts and wisdom. Nurturing
and assisting in the blossoming of this essence, I believe, is a
parent's most important job."
Albert Schweitzer is credited with saying, "the only ones among
you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and
found how to serve." Teach your children that every action they
take on behalf of another living entity works for a higher good,
even if they can't see the end result and no matter how
insignificant it may seem at the time. As spiritual leaders have
been telling us since the dawn of time, everything we do returns
to us ten-fold. Teach your children to be compassionate for
compassion's sake, and watch their young hearts blossom.
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BIO: Kelly L. Stone holds a Master's degree in Counseling
Psychology from Florida State University. She is a Writer &
Licensed Professional Counselor who has worked with children and
families for 20 years. Contact her through her website at
www.kellylstone.com. |
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